This week, my work with people has presented a theme:
Forgiveness.
What is it? How do we do it? Why would we want to? And how do we forgive while staying safe?
The first thing that comes to mind when I hear these questions is the famous Nelson Mandela quote: “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
When we can’t or won’t forgive, we end up suffering more than the one we resent because we’re holding on tightly to our festering anger and also to the paralyzing fear that we may be hurt again.
So resentment is a clinging and forgiveness is a letting go. You can literally feel them in your body as clinging and releasing…check it out.
Martin Luther King Jr. said “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”
So there must be a willingness to move on and consistently practice a forgiving attitude, no matter how often resentment reappears. We may also need to forgive ourselves when old resentments arise. Compassion is key.
Gandhi said “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
The heart has to expand to forgive, which can feel like it’s breaking before growing stronger. Every practice is essentially like building a muscle. The muscle has to be tested to a point of failure in order to grow. An attitude of forgiveness is no different.
Like everything meaningful, forgiveness must transition from the head to the heart to be lived fully. To forgive does not mean that we condone the harm done or allow it to continue, it means we’re willing to learn and move forward.
Accountability is important and can be done with compassion. This is different from cold hard punishment, which can lack love and leave no room for growth on anyone’s part.
We must find our boundaries and hold them without closing our hearts to the loving quality at the root of forgiveness. When our hearts are closed to others, they’re also closed to ourselves.
Norman Cousins said “Life is an adventure in forgiveness.”
Sounds like a true statement to me. Thankfully, I love a good adventure. Don’t you?
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Mindfulness is foundational in all of the services with Andrea Shipley. Whether you’re interested in counseling or lifestyle coaching, mindfulness will enrich your experience.
