Not getting your needs met in your relationships?
We’ve all been there and it can be challenging to resist impulsive reactions to the pain it can cause. We might push hard to be understood by the other person, which can leave them feeling rejected, pressured, and pushed away – and us feeling more misunderstood than ever.
Over time, people in relationships build emotional walls to protect old wounds and prevent further ones. Unfortunately, this often creates impenetrable distance and distrust.
One of my clients recently felt like he couldn’t move forward in his personal growth until he got the empathy and intimacy he craved from his wife.
My suggestion to him was to put all of his attention onto generating feelings and behaviors of empathy for his wife, rather than focusing on the lack of empathy he felt he was getting from her.
The results he reported were fantastic. Not only did his wife notice and comment on the change, but she also felt safe enough to talk to him with more empathy than usual when he was having a hard time. Both of their needs were met.
Every relationship is a living work in progress.
Perhaps you’ll consider ways you can give whatever you hope to receive from the people in your life. Notice how shifting attention from what you want, to what you can give, affects your daily life and interactions.
Even if their behaviors don’t shift right away, you’ll have more of that positive feeling and intention moving through you, which is what you want.
Of course, it’s useful to consider how the other person wants to receive empathy or love, since their preferences might differ from yours. You might consider learning about the 5 Love Languages too.
Let me know how this goes for you in the comments below.
Need help creating the life and relationships you desire but don’t know how to heal and move forward? Contact me for a free coaching consultation at Alive Explorations.
